and guilty disappointment through lost memories of failure

sometimes serene and dreamy

note: this is a work in progress that ive been planning for a while.
please be kind.

after graduation however i began to hear rumors of my suicide, by being asked by people i barely knew "didnt you kill yourself?" which is not only rude but absolutely absurd, so of course I would respond with "yup, you're talking to a dead person."

in place of memories, all i have are grainy photographs

but why?

but i have dreamy visions

tell me about yourself

which is nice

i cant sleep, so my reality is a constant daydream of pastel imagery

?

but the gift of artistic vision comes with the curse of constant despair

what are your dreams?

still though

ive never felt like a real person

"who would have thought
i could take pictures like these?" indeed.

i have horrible eyesight

i wish to know what its like

it was a joke, but....

after i got kicked out... i was alone. no one had asked me where i had been or what happened or tried to help, it was like i never went to that school, or even existed at all.
thats when i started feeling like a living ghost.

your nightmares

i am the creator of my own absurd pastel world.

my own life confuses me

i dont recall much of my childhood

illumitati.exe

to feel

i really was miserable

an interactive online art journal exploring the ill mind of tati

who is
ill tati

i dont know

to be alive

ive slowly been disappearing
since my own beginning

i feel unreal

but i do remember, i was anxious.
too afraid to ever cry.

but being dead is very lonely

like im just somebodys surreal dream

but i don't remember being happy
just nervous

fears?

and mostly...

please

who
am
i

i've been called a robot, tot the bot

what is it
that makes you feel alive

but bots are mean

i cant see well

at 17, my world crumbled as i was officially deemed ill by getting kicked outta art school for bein too sad. dont make suicide jokes, kids, it might ruin yr life permanently.

sometimes dark and dreary

but i have the ability
to change what i see

and ive been living dead on the web ever since

i have photos from childhood that look like i was happy

a question ive asked myself for years

?

you start to yearn for the world that you created